October 26th
by NinthFeather
Summary: AU. "Is it me? Am I just that difficult to be around that everyone has to leave me?" Shinncentric and really angsty, mostly a product of stress. SS, KL.
1. Bokutachi no Yukue

_A/N: I have no excuse. The angstfest you are about to read pretty much wrote itself, in defiance of every single ongoing fic I was trying to update. My friends and I have been referring to it as the Plot Bunny of Doom, or PBOD for short, because I quite literally did not want to keep writing it, but the idea would not leave me alone. I've had a stressful last couple of weeks, I blame it on that. Thus, I can make no promises about its quality or lack thereof, let the reader beware, as the saying goes…_

_Setting-wise, this is AU, it takes place in a world not unlike our own modern one, without Gundam and the like. However, it is not our world. The terrorists and terrorist incidents mentioned herein are not meant to bear any relationship to actual incidents of terrorism or actual terrorists. The year of the prologue is the year Gundam Seed first ran; the date of October 26th has no significance in real life-I chose it because of October's association with death and the fact that 26 is twice 13, but it doesn't mean anything more than that. Various people will be OOC based on their backstories in the fic as opposed to their canon backstories. References may be made to any number of events in GS and GSD, so know that spoilers might occur. Also, in anticipation of flames, any death or survival of any characters is based on plot and not on my liking them or hating them. If that was how I was going about things, I would have written a Gundam Wing oneshot just to kill Relena already. Oh, yeah, and Gundam Seed Destiny is not mine. At all. If it had been, I'd like to think that Shinn wouldn't have been allowed in a Gundam until he worked out a couple of his issues._

**October 26th**

**Chapter 1: Bokutachi no Yukue**

**October 26****th****, 2002**

_It was all over the news. The terrorists had been promising retaliation for the attacks on their homeland for months. Someone should have seen this coming._

_The footage was always the same, shot on a handheld camera that shook enough to give those watching vertigo. Not that the images they were filming weren't enough for that._

_Smoke rose from the wreck that had been Onoguro Harbor in thick, dirty-looking plumes. The ground was covered in rubble and blood. Some of the newscasts edited out the bodies, while others left them in._

_The static-filled audio of the tape was suddenly interrupted by a soft whimpering, and some scuffling sounds, as a black-haired boy in a winter hat with earflaps struggled to his feet only yards away from the camera, his clothing covered in soot. A pink cell phone was clasped in his hand. The boy dusted off his jeans and looked around with wide, ruby-red eyes that widened as he surveyed the wreckage._

_He walked, slowly and unsteadily, over to one of the bodies, then another, his eyes widening even more. Finally, he approached a third, that of a little girl with similarly dark hair pulled into pigtails. His eyes filled up with tears as he opened the cell phone with trembling hands._

_A recording broke through the static. "Hi, this is Mayu, please leave a message!"_

_The boy fell to his knees and squeezed his eyes shut as tears cleaned the soot off of his face. He shut the cell phone and clutched it to his chest, then started to scream._

_The video cuts off there._

_No one knows the boy's name. He disappeared into one of the ambulances before most of the press arrived, and the authorities refused to release his name. That didn't stop the papers from running a cover story the next day, featuring a freeze-frame shot of his tears. The conservatives blew up the picture and used him as a war standard, while the liberals carried his image with them in peace protests._

_The war continued, life went on, and new stories flitted in and out of the spotlight. Soon, the boy was all but forgotten._

**Two Years Later**

The bouquet trembled in my hand as I walked toward the building. _Archangel General Hospital_. I'd been here once before. I gritted my teeth and tried not to remember the last time.

The bouquet was white roses and lilac blossoms. It was really pretty, actually, though it was way too expensive for a bunch of multicolored plants that were going to die within days anyway. And I'd been fired from my job at McDonalds, this time for getting into a fistfight with the fry cook. KFC had ended with me cursing out my supervisor, and Walmart was over the moment I kicked that display. I have got to get a handle on my temper. Anyhow, I didn't really have the extra money for the bouquet. But I bought it anyway, because it was for her.

I remember about a year ago, when I first found out. Flay was hogging the TV as usual, watching some fashion show, when it was interrupted by breaking news. She started swearing at the TV. I laughed. But I stopped laughing when they put the picture up, with the words "Lead Found in Kidnap Case."

The picture was one I recognized. I'd been in the original, but they'd cropped it so all you could see was her face. Stella Loussier. We'd met as children, when I was still living in the city, and we'd become really good friends. Looking back, I think I had a bit of a crush on her.

So when the announcer started talking about how she'd been missing for six months, my stomach dropped. Flay tried to change the channel, but I grabbed the remote from her. Of course, she started yelling for Ms. Gladys. I barely heard her.

Eventually, I gave Flay the remote back, but from that point on, I watched the news every day. Not even Flay tried to stop me. Everyone in the foster home knows about my temper, and they knew I was dead serious about this.

Over the past few weeks, they'd slowly been leaking information about the case, until finally, last Monday, they admitted she'd been found. They gave the name of the hospital she was in and said she'd be ready for visitors today. So here I was.

The girl at the front desk, a girl with cherry-red hair wearing a tailored green jacket with a tag that read "Meyrin" attached to its lapel, smiled at me, her blue eyes warm.

I felt an uncomfortable blush spreading across my cheeks. Why did the secretary have to be pretty? This was hard enough by itself.

"Um, I'm h-here to see Stella," I stuttered.

"You mean Stella Loussier?" she asked. "Are you a member of the family?"

"N-no, I'm a friend. I knew her when we were kids," I said, trying to pull myself together.

"I'm not sure if I can let you go back…" Meyrin said hesitantly.

A brown-haired woman walked into the waiting room, her high heels clicking against the linoleum floor. I recognized her immediately and began swearing to myself.

She noticed me not a second later. I have no luck whatsoever.

"Ah, Shinn, did you finally decide to come in?" Miss Murrue asked, her voice sharp. "Are those flowers an apology for skipping out on your last six appointments?"

I turned an even brighter shade of red, and glanced at Meyrin, who was staring openly. Some of the people in the waiting room were watching, too, with varying degrees of subtlety. Did she seriously have to do this in front of everyone? Especially Meyrin?

"H- no!" I snapped. "These aren't for you!"

I already said I need to work on my temper.

"Did you get a girlfriend?" Miss Murrue asked, eyes shining. I guess she thought that if I had a girlfriend, I was probably not insane.

"No, they're…um…they're for Stella…" I stammered again, wincing at how stupid I sounded.

"Stella?" Murrue asked, genuinely surprised. "You know her?"

"We…um…when we were kids…" I tried to say.

Murrue stared at me for a long moment, then nodded. She turned to Meyrin. "He's fine. I'll take him back."

I stared at her. What the…was Miss Murrue actually helping me?

"Are you going to stand there staring forever, or are you going to come with me?" she asked, tapping a red high heel against the linoleum in impatience.

I followed her as quickly as I could.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Murrue put a hand on my shoulder as I reached out to open the door of Stella's room.

"Shinn, before you go in there…" she started.

I turned my head to glare at her. "I don't want to talk about that," I snapped.

"It's not about you," Murrue said carefully. "It's about Stella…Shinn, she really isn't doing well."

"They said on the news that she was malnourished," I said. "They can take care of that, though, can't they?"

"There's an ongoing investigation that's preventing them from releasing details about her condition," Miss Murrue explained. "The people that kidnapped her…"

"They didn't hurt her-!" I started, feeling anger boiling in the pit of my stomach. They couldn't! I'd find every single one of them and…

"Not physically, no," Murrue said, quietly. "But Shinn, the authorities think she was taken by a terrorist cell. We think they probably tried to use some sort of programming on her."

"Programming?" I asked. "You mean like mind control?"

Murrue laughed, but there was no happiness in it. "No. Programming as in using psychological techniques to change a person's behavior. Sometimes, they use drugs, too, and that seems likely in this case."

I stared at her. What did you say when you found out something like this had happened to someone you cared about?

"You can't say the word 'death' or 'die' around her," Murrue said. "We don't know why, but that seems to be a word they trained her to respond to. If she hears it, she gets extremely upset."

My hand shook on the door handle. Was I ready for this? To see Stella, so changed?

"Are you going in?" Murrue asked.

I took a deep breath. "Of course," I said, with a confidence I didn't feel. "She's still Stella, no matter what."

I opened the door.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_Beep…beep…beep…_

The sound of medical equipment has always creeped me out. It's…eerie. Then again, that might just be my own prejudices.

Stella was lying in a bed in the middle of the room. I hadn't seen her since…well, since before I lived in the foster home. She looked about the same, but sicker.

The sheets were sea-green, and her skin was so pale against them that she looked like a ghost. There were charcoal circles around her half-open eyes, and their normal deep purple hue was dull and lifeless. Her golden hair fell around her face limply. But despite all of this, she was still absolutely beautiful.

"Hey, Stella, it's Shinn. Do you remember me?" I said gently.

"…Shinn," Stella said slowly, her eyes blank. I couldn't even be sure she understood what I was saying. For once, Murrue had been straight with me. Stella wasn't doing well.

"I brought you flowers," I said, holding them up.

That got a response. Her eyes lit up, bright as amethyst, and she tried to lift her hand to accept them. In the end, though, she didn't even have that much strength. There was a part of me that wanted to start crying, right there. But that wouldn't do Stella any good.

"I'm going to put them on the table, here, see?" I said, placing the bouquet on the table near her bed. "You can look at them any time you want. I brought your favorites, lilacs and white roses. Do you like them?"

"…Like…them…" Stella said. I couldn't be sure if that was an answer or just parroting, but I would take what I could get.

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_A/N: Just to make it clear, I DON'T LIKE FLAY ALLSTER! Or Meer, really, but especially not Flay. She just happened to be useful, so I let her live. Also, if you're at all fond of this, I did write one other GSD fic, a one-shot called "Not Again" which is Athrun-centric and an odd mix of angst and humor. Thanks for reading!_


	2. Pride

**Chapter 2: Pride**

I stayed for about an hour before one of the nurses, a girl with short, magenta hair who looked a little like Meyrin, kicked me out, saying that Stella needed to get some rest. Honestly, I needed some rest too.

I don't remember the bus ride back to the foster home, or even going inside. I must have fallen asleep at some point, though, since my next memory is of waking up in my bed, still fully dressed, on Monday morning.

I swore, and turned to my roommate, Rey. "What time is—"

"About two minutes after you usually wake up," Rey said without looking up from the book he was reading.

"Oh, that's—my homework!" I exclaimed.

"We didn't have any," Rey said evenly. "Calm down and get dressed. The bus will be here soon."

I nodded and went to find some clean jeans, as Rey returned to his reading.

After I got dressed, I went to breakfast. Flay was there, already, and some of the other kids. Ms. Gladys was putting together the last of a row of bagged lunches as I entered.

"Hey, Shinn, do you want eggs or waffles?" Meer asked me, looking up from the omelet she was making.

"Um, I'll have eggs," I said. I always get shy around her. Meer's not one of those drop-dead gorgeous girls—not that she's ugly, it's just that her hair's this sort of dull grey-black color and she has some pretty bad acne—but her voice is…well, even when she's talking, it sounds beautiful. And when she sings…my voice sounds all scratchy and wrong in comparison.

"Eggs it is, then," she said, cracking two of them into another pan and putting them on the stove. I couldn't help staring as she moved. She was like a dancer.

I picked up the paper as she continued with the eggs. A few pages in, there was a story about Stella. They were saying that the group that had her had kidnapped at least two other civilians and were probably holding some military personnel as well. I scowled.

"Breakfast is served," Meer practically sang, sliding a plate with the eggs on it under the newspaper. "They'll get cold if you don't eat them."

"Hmph," I said, picking up my fork. They were scrambled, with no salt. Meer was amazing. She knew everyone's favorite foods, and exactly how they liked them prepared.

The rest of the morning was a blur. Getting ready for school is always a little crazy at the foster home. Everyone's in everyone's way, no matter how hard they try not to be. Somehow, though, we all got on the bus and I ended up in first period.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I barely paid attention at all that day. How could I? Stella was…well, honestly, I wasn't sure it was still Stella in there. Stella had always been a little…odd. The first time we'd met, she'd dragged me to the beach and made me search for a certain type of shell until the sun went down and the beach closed. We never did find it. Where was all of that enthusiasm now?

Then, I remembered what I'd been like at the time. Stella's enthusiasm was probably in the same place that mine was, wherever that was.

It was horrible, being stuck there when I wanted to be with Stella. As far as I'm concerned, my school might as well have a sign over the door that says, "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." And that's under normal circumstances.

Besides, the student body as a whole isn't too fond of the kids from my foster home. That's sort of my fault, though, since I got into fights with and subsequently beat up about half the football team my first week here. I know I have anger issues, I just don't care. Also, Flay has a bit of a reputation...ah, what the heck. What I mean to say is that she's trouble and everyone knows it. You get together with her and suddenly you're doing whatever she wants you to do, no matter how stupid or dangerous it is. Add Rey, who people call "creepy" because he doesn't talk much, and you can see why everyone is a little hostile. As far as they're concerned, we're all head cases. Sometimes I think they're right.

Needless to say, I didn't want to be there, so as soon as I got out of school, I went back to the hospital.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I visited Stella every day that week, and watched as her room filled up with bouquets and balloons. But I never saw the people that left them. In fact, I never saw her parents, either. I remembered them, vaguely, from before. They were a nice couple, and she was their only child. Why wouldn't they be at the hospital as much as they could be?

I finally cornered the nurse, whose nametag read "Lunamaria," when she came in to take Stella's vitals.

"Have the Loussiers been here at all?" I asked.

Lunamaria fidgeted under my gaze. People always said that my eyes are frightening. They're bright red, and when I get angry, Meer says she can see fire in them.

"They haven't been in since Monday," she said, looking away with eyes as blue as seas.

"Why not?"

"That's confidential; I can't tell you that!"

"Yes you can," I said, pouring every bit of anger I had into those three words.

"They—they don't think they can take care of her," Lunamaria said quietly. "I heard them talking; they're planning to send her to a group home."

I stepped backwards. "They're just…giving up on her?"

"I don't like it either," Lunamaria said. "But it's not my fault or your business. If anyone finds out I told you, I'm in for it, so keep it quiet, will you?"

"Of course," I said quickly.

She walked toward the door, then turned in the doorway to look at me. "You're a good guy, visiting her like this. I don't think anyone would mind if you kept it up."

I nodded, and she left.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

If I'm honest, it wasn't just for Stella's sake that I kept visiting. I don't know what it was about being with her, but, well, I liked who I was around her better. I wasn't as angry. I was kinder. The bitterness and resentment that I always carried around with me fell off of me the moment I walked into her room. Around Stella, I was at peace, I guess.

I don't know why. It wasn't that she was doing something to make me feel better. Heck, it happened even when she slept through most of the visit. But I didn't have to understand it to appreciate it. Worrying about Stella was hard. But being around her was easy, easier than anything else I did.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

As I started to spend more and more time at the hospital, my grades started doing a nosedive. Finally, Mr. Watfeld took me aside at the end of History class and said I needed tutoring. He said to come to his room at lunchtime and someone would be waiting for me.

I let Rey, who's the only one I sit with at lunch anyway, know where I was going and then headed to Mr. Watfeld's room. When I got there, a girl, slightly older than me and with eyes and hair that were a deep golden color, was waiting for me.

"My name's Cagalli Yula Atha and I'm a first-year in university," she said cheerfully. "I'm a History Ed major and I'm going to be your tutor."

I rolled my eyes and sat down.

"Don't roll your eyes!" she snapped. "History is important!"

"Yeah right," I said, rolling my eyes again.

"All right, Mr. Watfeld said you guys were discussing the events in the last decade that led up to the war," Cagalli said.

I did a double take. It seemed I really hadn't been paying attention; I didn't remember hearing a thing about that. Good thing, too. I hate talking about the war. Actually, I just flat-out hate the war.

"The war was caused by stupid politicians," I spat.

Cagalli's sunshine-colored eyes turned cold. "My father was one of those stupid politicians."

Part of my brain was telling me to back down, that I was in the wrong, especially when I heard "was". The other part was ecstatic to have someone so close to the guilty party in front of me so I could let loose. As usual, the angry part won.

"They were the ones who decided to attack, and the terrorists retaliated, on innocent civilians," I growled. "They KNEW that would happen, and they still did it."

"Sometimes the good of the many…" Cagalli started.

"…can't make up for the sacrifices that they had NO RIGHT to make!" I shot back.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Cagalli yelled. She was on her feet now.

I stood too. "Neither do you!"

"Get out of here!"

"With pleasure!" I ran out of the room, and into the hallway.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I ran into the restrooms, turned on the faucet, and splashed water on my face. I couldn't keep losing it like this!

But how could I not? When I knew that it was those decisions, those infernally stupid decisions, that got Mom and Dad and Mayu killed?

I always want to use euphemisms. I want to say "passed away" or "taken," but then I remember the blood. The blood and the bodies and the smoke and the sirens wailing in the background and the screaming that must have been coming from me because I was the only one still alive.

That did it. I barely made it to the toilet before my breakfast came back up. When I got up, my legs were shaking. And my arms, and my hands. Everything, really.

Two years. It had been two years since the worst vacation of my life. Let's go the city. We'll sightsee, we'll go to restaurants, we'll go to the harbor just as a terrorist cell blows it up in retaliation for the attacks on their homeland.

"You in here, Asuka?" a voice demanded, loudly. I ground inwardly. Yuna was just what I needed right now.

"My crazy ex asked me to see if you were in here," Yuna continued.

_Ex?_ I asked inwardly. The thought of Yuna and Cagalli in the same building was scary enough, but as a couple? Terrifying. Though I guess I could see why she broke up with him. Someone with that much money should at least be able to bribe their way out of getting held back.

Suddenly, I was being lifted by the hood of my sweatshirt. It's not very comfortable, just so you know.

"Get out there so she stops pestering me," he ordered as I tried to get my footing. He pushed me toward the door, but my legs weren't exactly stable and I ended up sprawled on the floor.

"Come on, Asuka, get up," Yuna barked. I got to my feet shakily and walked out.

Cagalli was standing outside, her lips set in a tight, angry line. "I promised Mr. Watfeld that I was going to tutor you and that is what I'm going to do, understand?"

I nodded, too tired to fight with her anymore.

She seemed surprised by my lack of resistance, but then she nodded. "Come on, we're going to go over the lesson again," she said firmly, grabbing my arm and leading me toward the classroom.

I looked at her and was surprised to see her eyes shining with tears. Guilt flooded through me. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut, could I?

"Sorry," I muttered.

"What was that?" Cagalli asked.

"Nothing," I muttered.

But I knew she heard me.

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_A/N: Yeah, I know it's angsty, possibly to the point of overdramatic. It just sorta happened that way. Anyway, thanks for reading._


	3. Annani Issho Datta Noni

**Chapter 3: Annani Issho Datta Noni**

I visited Stella right after school that day, and then fell asleep on the bus home, and nearly missed my stop. I got home just in time for dinner, and it was about seven before I was able to get back to my room.

"Are you going to do your homework?" Rey asked from his seat at his desk as I got into bed.

"I'll do it on the bus," I said with a vague wave of my hand, my back facing him.

"Shinn, you shouldn't push yourself," Rey said.

"'m not pushing myself," I murmured sleepily.

"Yes you are, and it needs to stop," Rey said. "I'm sure Stella wouldn't want you to be so careless either. I won't always be here to look out for you…"

I turned over in bed to face him. "What do you mean?" I asked.

Rey's expression was as blank as always, but maybe a bit…sadder? "Nothing," he said. "Go to sleep, Shinn. You look tired."

"Thanks, Rey," I said, turning over again, and closing my eyes.

"You're welcome," he replied, so softly I barely heard him.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Stella was slowly improving. She was still incredibly weak, but she could sit up in bed now. Also, she was talking a little. Short, simple sentences, for the most part, but it was practically a miracle compared to how she'd been at first. She was awake and mostly aware during my visits now; she usually recognized me and sometimes we even had conversations.

"Shinn…is…tired?" Stella asked me as she noticed my eyelids drooping.

"No," I lied. Truthfully, I was spending more and more time at the hospital, and any free time I actually found was needed for homework. Especially for Mr. Watfeld's class. I wasn't anxious to hear another one of Cagalli's lectures. Even if her dad hadn't been a politician, I wouldn't have liked her much, I knew that.

"Shinn…is…not…tired?" Stella tried again. Murrue had been trying to reteach her more difficult sentences. I guessed she was practicing.

"No, Shinn is not," I said, feeling a little silly in referring to myself in the third person. "Is Stella?"

"No," Stella said. "Stella is safe!" Stella said triumphantly.

"Stella is safe" was a product of my third visit, when someone in the hallway had said something that sounded like "die" and Stella had panicked.

_"No!" Stella screamed. "I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!" She thrashed around in her bed with more strength than I knew she had, nearly disconnecting her IV in the process. _

_ I wrapped my arms around her to try to keep her from struggling more._

_ "No, Stella, it's okay!" I said. "You're safe here! I won't let anyone hurt you, okay? I'll protect you. So you're safe."_

_ Stella stopped, mid-thrashing. "Stella…is…safe?" she asked slowly, her purple eyes burning into mine._

_ "You're safe," I said firmly._

_ She practically collapsed in my arms, and I laid her back down on the bed. Then, I felt someone's gaze on my back._

_ I turned and saw Miss Murrue. "There's more to you than there seems to be," she said. "Isn't there?"_

_ "Maybe," I said, turning away from her and pulling up the covers on Stella's bed so they covered her._

"Safe," I agreed.

She smiled at me, a brilliant, unrestrained smile full of unreserved trust.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock. I turned around to see a boy, a little older than me, with messy brown hair and wide, violet eyes, with his hand raised as if to rap on the door frame. The expression on his face reminded me of a puppy who had the sense it had done something wrong but had no idea what.

"Um, do you know where Miss Murrue's office is?" he asked hesitantly.

"…actually, I…" I said, realizing I did not know.

"Kira!" a voice called sharply. "What are you doing in the Intensive Care Unit?"

"I was looking for Miss Murrue's office," Kira said, just a little defensively, as another boy stepped into view.

"It's nowhere near here," the voice, which belonged to a tall boy with emerald-green eyes and blue-black hair, said. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I've never been here before!" Kira protested.

"…Never…before…?" Stella echoed, wide eyed, staring at her new visitor.

"No," Kira said, without missing a beat. "What about you?"

"….Have…been…here…for…for…" Stella struggled for a word. Finally, giving up, she held up three fingers.

"Three days?" Kira asked, smiling gently. I started liking the guy in that moment.

"…no…seven-days…weeks!" Stella exclaimed at length. "Three weeks."

I smiled at her. "Good!"

"That's a while," Kira observed. "Do people come to visit you?"

"Shinn!" Stella said, pointing at me. I could tell she was showing off, as much as she was able to.

"Is that his name?" Kira asked.

Stella nodded emphatically, her eyes alight.

"And who are you?" he asked.

"Stella!" Stella told him proudly.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Shinn and Stella," Kira said. I nodded to him as Stella waved enthusiastically.

"I'm glad you made some new friends," the bluish-haired boy huffed, "but we have someplace to be."

He said all of this gruffly, but the whole time Kira and Stella were talking, he had been smiling fondly.

"Okay," Kira said calmly. "I'll see you again sometime, okay?"

He waved at Stella, then looked me in the eye in a way that said "It's good that you're taking care of her. Keep it up, okay?", and with that, it was decided. I definitely liked Kira.

"Get moving, moron," the blue-haired boy said. Kira shot him a goofy smile and followed him away from the room.

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It was getting to be that time of year again, so, later that week, I told Stella I wouldn't be coming in and took the bus to the city, along with Rey. It wasn't a long walk from the bus stop—as a tourist attraction, it had to be easily accessible.

"They put up a plaque," Rey said, in his normal, flat tone.

I nodded, a lump in my throat, as I looked at the empty space that had been Onoguro Harbor.

We just stood there for a while, in silence. I was wearing a bulky jacket, one of Rey's winter hats, and a scarf I'd borrowed from Meer, so no one would recognize me, but the wind that day was chilly and it passed through the layers like they were just air. There were seagulls circling in the sky above us, which was a nice, bright shade of blue. It didn't seem like the sky should be so blue when it was looking down on something like this.

My parents and Mayu have graves, in a normal graveyard back in our hometown. But when I visit their graves, it doesn't feel like they're there. When I go to the harbor, though, I can feel them. I don't really understand it. It's just how it feels to me.

"Are you ready to go?" Rey asked me.

I looked around and noticed a street vendor selling flowers. "Just a second," I told him.

I rummaged through my pockets and emptied the change onto the counter of the vendor's stand. The vendor, an older woman with black, wavy hair, smiled gently at me.

"What can I buy with this?" I asked.

She handed me a bouquet of bluebells and white roses. "It's for the memorial, right? Here you are."

"I have enough?" I asked.

She nodded, though I wasn't sure I believed her, I took them anyway.

I approached the memorial, the lump in my throat growing as I walked, and placed the flowers at the plaque's base. Blinking back tears, I walked back over to Rey and nodded.

We didn't talk on the way back to the bus, but just having someone else there was enough for me.

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_A/N: In case you haven't guessed, by the way, the titles are all songs from the series. Anyhow, I'm hoping you all enjoyed seeing Kira. Thanks for reading!_


	4. Fields Of Hope

**Chapter 4: Fields of Hope**

I felt bad about not visiting Stella on the day I went to Onoguro, so, to make it up to her, I asked Lunamaria if I could take her outside. After running it past the doctors, she gave me permission as long as she came along, too. So the two of us bundled Stella up in about as many layers as we could get onto her, throwing two sweaters over the hospital gown and even getting her to put on sweatpants—I got kicked out of the room for that part. So, with a shawl thrown over the sweaters and a thick beret covering her head and ears, we ventured out into the garden behind the hospital.

Something had happened to her balance, possibly the drugs they'd given her, so I ended up having to hold onto her shoulders and guide her to get her to walk a straight line. Despite that, though, it was obvious that going outside was good for her. The moment her eyes landed on the tulips growing in the garden, they lit up, and she immediately crouched down to stare at them. After a few minutes, she got up, with me still behind her to make sure she didn't fall, and moved on to the chrysanthemums. The enraptured look on her face was beautiful.

Luna stood back and watched us as Stella asked the names of flowers and I answered as best I could. Every once in a while, she'd step in when I got a name wrong or forgot it altogether.

Then, the sound of someone singing filled the air. The voice was absolutely gorgeous, and the song was, too. Suddenly, Stella broke away from me and started dancing. Luna and I immediately ran toward her, afraid she would fall, but she didn't. It was a little clumsy, and nothing like the way she used to dance, but it was so joyful I couldn't help smiling.

Suddenly, the beautiful song went silent. Stella stopped dancing and looked around in confusion.

"Oh, my, I didn't realize there was a dancer accompanying me," someone said

"Meer?" I asked, thinking I recognized the voice. It sounded exactly like hers.

"No, my name is Lacus," a girl said as she walked out from behind a grove of trees and toward us. Long pink hair flowed down her back, and her pale, violet-blue eyes sparkled with amusement. The skirt of a blue sundress floated around her knees, and a golden hair clip perched on her bangs.

Stella lost her balance again, and I caught her.

"What brings you here on such a fine day?" Lacus asked.

"Flowers!" Stella answered.

I blushed. "We're just looking at the garden."

"You're Stella, right?" Lacus said, smiling at Stella. She turned her gaze on me. "You must be Shinn, then. Do you remember Kira?"

"Kira!" Stella said happily.

"Um, he's the brown-haired guy, right?" I asked. "He told you about us?"

"Yes," Lacus said. "He liked the two of you very much. Actually, I think he wanted to visit your sister again, but he wasn't sure if it would be alright."

"…She's not my sister," I said, thoughts of Mayu thickening my voice.

"Oh?" Lacus asked.

"She's just a…friend," I said, suddenly aware that friendship wasn't really what I felt toward Stella.

It wasn't as if I thought she was in any condition to return my feelings. I knew that. But it didn't change that what I felt for Stella was less like friendship and, well, more like love. I found myself blushing.

"I see," Lacus said, her lips curving into a knowing smile.

"No…wait…that's not…" I stuttered.

"In any case, would you mind if Kira came to visit you again, Stella?" Lacus asked, looking her in the eyes.

Stella blinked slowly. "Kira?"

"The boy who came to visit you, remember?" I prompted.

"…Kira?" Stella said, unsure. "Is…Kira…good?"

"Kira is very good," Lacus said, smiling again. This time, though, there was something far away about her expression.

"Okay!" Stella said suddenly. "Kira…is…good…so…Kira…can…come."

"Thank you!" Lacus said genuinely.

"Is it that big a deal?" I asked before I could stop myself. My lack of impulse control…well, it's about as good at causing me trouble as my temper.

This time, there was a sad note to Lacus's smile. "Kira's been…keeping to himself lately. I think you and Shinn are the only people besides myself and Athrun—that's the name of the person who was with him when you met him—that he's talked to in the last few weeks."

"How did you know Athrun didn't introduce himself?" I asked.

She giggled. "He never does. I used to date him, and I know him better than almost anyone, except maybe Kira."

"You 'used to?'" I asked, somewhat hopefully. Okay, yes, I was realizing that I was in love with Stella. But Lacus was...spectacular. She looked like a freakin' movie star. It was a little tempting.

"Of course, 'used to,'" Lacus said, as if my question was ridiculous. "How would I date Athrun and Kira at the same time?"

I blushed. "Oh."

"Yes, and you mustn't tell Kira you asked that," Lacus continued. "He gets a bit…overprotective."

I nodded, wondering exactly how the wide-eyed boy who reminded me of a puppy did "overprotective".

"I probably ought to finish this paperwork now," Lacus said with a sigh.

"Paper…work?" Stella asked.

"Yes," Lacus said. "Miss Murrue asked me to finish it before I leave."

"Miss Murrue?" I asked, a scowl appearing on my face before I could mask it.

"She said you didn't like her," Lacus said.

"Wait…what did she say about me?" I demanded. My life was none of this girl's business, dang it!

"Just that you didn't like her," Lacus said calmly. "And that she was worried for you. She's not the type to gossip, Shinn."

"I know," I huffed.

"I think you ought to talk to her," Lacus said. "Miss Murrue is a lovely woman, and she's done a lot for Kira, as well. She's the reason I decided to become a therapist, and she was even kind enough to let me be her intern."

Avoiding the topic of therapy completely, I asked, "Why not become a singer? You have the voice for it."

"I am a singer," Lacus smiled. "I'm actually a bit surprised you haven't heard me before."

"I don't listen to music much anymore," I said quietly. Mom loved music.

"Well, if you feel like changing that…" Lacus said, reaching into a pocket into her dress. She pulled out a CD and held it out to me.

I took it, hesitantly.

"I hope you like it," she said.

"Like?" Stella asked.

"I hope that it makes him happy," Lacus explained.

"…Make…happy…" Stella said absently.

"I'll tell Kira you said he could visit again, all right?" Lacus said, turning to walk away.

"…You should come too," I said shyly. "Um, I mean, Stella seems to like you."

"All right," Lacus said, waving as she left.

"…Like…" Stella said again, staring off into the distance.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Like…make happy…" Stella said with a look of concentration on her face. "Stella…Stella…likes…Shinn…"

I turned red, and Luna laughed. Stella blinked, confused, and stared at us.

It was the best day I'd had in a while.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Cagalli had been promoted from the position of tutor to tutor/in-class assistant for Mr. Watfeld, and I think I scared her a bit when she saw me in class the next day. I can't say I blame her for being freaked out. I don't usually smile so much.

"What's got you so happy?" she asked. The two of us had reached the kind of uneasy peace that allowed us to make small talk and even tease each other, as long as we didn't mention the war.

"Things just seem to be going right, that's all," I said.

"Still doesn't explain why you're grinning like a maniac," Cagalli said, crossing her arms.

"Yes it does," I said. "Things never go right for me. Not like this."

Cagalli gave me a long look, her golden eyes boring into me.

"They don't, do they?" she said, half to herself.

I just waited for her to explain, but she didn't.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow at lunch for your lesson," she said at length.

"Okay," I said, leaving the classroom and feeling her eyes on my back the whole time.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_A/N: You're still here? Wow. Thanks for hanging in there! And as a thank you, the next chapter is going to be a complete angstfest…sorry._


	5. Vestige

**Chapter 5: Vestige**

I ran up the stairs, calling Rey's name, as I tried to shove my feet into the red canvas sneakers Meer had bought me for Christmas.

I had to admit, I was psyched. Today was the day of the month that we all looked forward to: the day Chairman Durandal took us out to dinner. He's the guy who donates the money to keep the foster home going, which, basically, means that he's loaded. And that translates to one heck of a meal, since we always go to nice places that he can use for photo ops.

Yeah, I know he's using us for publicity, I just don't care. Personally, if his reputation is worth buying me expensive food, I'm fine with it. Besides, he's one of the politicians that's been trying to end the war, so I actually like the guy.

Rey has always liked him too. From what Meer's told me, they knew each other before Rey came here, which was before I came. All I know is that, as long as I've known him, Rey has practically idolized the Chairman. I don't know why—his pacifism, I think, was most of it, though I can't be sure.

I ran up to the door, balancing on my right foot as I tried to jam my left foot into its shoe, and knocked on the door as hard as I could. "Rey, the Chairman will be here soon! Are you ready yet?" I yelled.

No answer.

"Rey?"

Still nothing.

"Rey?" I shouted again, pushing open the door.

Rey was collapsed against his bunk facedown, looking for all the world like a ragdoll that had been left there by a bored child. His face was ashen grey, and his eyes were closed.

"Rey!" I shouted, running over to him and shaking his shoulders as hard as I could. He didn't even twitch.

I felt myself start to hyperventilate as I ran my fingers along his neck, trying desperately to remember how my sixth-grade health teacher had said to find a pulse. Finally, I found it, but I was sure it was supposed to be faster.

"Ms. Gladys!" I shouted, my voice catching in my throat. "Ms. Gladys, it's Rey!"

I heard her footsteps on the staircase like they were coming from the other side of a long, echoing tunnel.

"Oh, no," Ms. Gladys breathed. "Meer, call an ambulance, now!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Meer yelled back.

"Shinn, help me carry him," Ms. Gladys ordered.

I lifted him up by the armpits, then draped him over my shoulder and picked him up. He was light enough that I could actually do that, and that scared me more than anything.

"I've got it," I said weakly, heading downstairs.

The ambulance arrived and the EMTs took him. Ms. Gladys and I rode in the ambulance with him, and watched as they took him into the emergency room. All of this passed in a blur. I don't remember anything that was said to me, or anything that I said. I felt like I was drowning.

Three hours later, with the beeping of medical equipment filling my ears, I sat beside his bed and watched his eyes flutter open.

"Shinn?" he asked, his voice scratchy.

Call me a girl if you want, but I almost started crying at that moment. "Rey, don't scare me like that," I said, my voice thick.

"What happened?" Rey asked.

"You passed out," I said, my voice shaking. "I found you, and we called an ambulance. What the heck is going on?"

Rey avoided my gaze.

"Rey, please," I said. I don't even know what I was asking for. I think I wanted him to tell me he'd forgotten to eat and had low blood sugar, or something like that. I wanted him to tell me he was all right.

"I'm sorry, Shinn," Rey said. He sounded exhausted. "I should have told you sooner."

"Told me what?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

Rey grimaced, as if the act of speaking itself was painful. "I'm dying, Shinn. It's a genetic disease I've had since I was born. I've been taking medication for it, but this…this means that the medicine's not working anymore."

"Rey…" I croaked. How could he not tell me? Did he think I wouldn't care? And then it actually hit me. He was dying. He was going to die. He was going to leave me like Mom and Dad and Mayu. "No…"

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything," Rey said quietly. "I thought that your own problems were enough for you; I didn't want to add mine to that."

"How can you just…Rey, you're dying!" He flinched at that. "How can you worry about me at a time like this?"

Rey closed his eyes. "Because you're the only person I do worry about. I'm not close to anyone, really, except you and maybe the Chairman. You're the closest thing I have to a friend. Of course I'm worried."

"But I'm fine!" I protested.

"If you really think that, you're as stupid as that Cagalli girl seems to think you are," Rey said with a laugh that was almost genuine.

"Rey…"

"Shinn! You're here!" I turned around to see Lunamaria standing in the door, hands resting on her knees, panting from exhaustion.

"Luna?" I asked.

"Did...did Miss Murrue call you?" she managed to gasp.

"No, I came here because of Rey—" I stopped short. "Wait, why would Miss Murrue call me?"

The color rushed out of Luna's face. "You don't know," she breathed.

It was a statement, not a question, so I waited for her to explain.

"Shinn, it's about Stella," she said softly.

I felt my stomach drop as I leapt to my feet. "What's wrong?" I demanded.

"Maybe now isn't the best time…" Luna said slowly, as she looked at Rey.

"No, I think it is," Rey said firmly. "Go, Shinn."

I looked at him, as pale and lost in the sheets as Stella had been only weeks ago, and swallowed the lump in my throat, then followed Lunamaria down the hall as quickly as I could.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The only words I could find for the scene in front of me were profanity, and I was pretty sure Luna would glare at me for them.

But what else could I say, when Stella was taking gasping breaths from an oxygen mask while wires and IVs criss-crossed her body like some twisted mockery of a spider's web? She was as pale as the fluorescent light that bathed the room, and the shadows beneath her eyes that had only recently started to fade were now back, and darker and thicker than ever. Her hands grasped the sheets with white knuckles, and her mouth was open in a silent scream, while tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. Doctors hovered around her, watching countless monitors and making notes on clipboards.

"Luna…what's happening to her?" I gasped.

"She's gone into withdraw," Luna said, her voice a careful monotone. "We've been able to confirm that the terrorists gave her drugs, but we can't figure out which. It appears that they meant this to happen."

"This?" I demanded, an edge of panic entering my voice.

"They made her body dependent on the drugs, so that…" Luna broke off, wiped at her eyes, and continued, "so that if she was taken away from them, and went without the drugs, she would…"

She didn't say the final word, out of consideration for Stella. But I heard it as clearly as if she'd said it aloud. "_Die._" The one word that Stella feared above all others.

I clenched my fists at my sides, willing myself to keep it together because if I lost it now I wasn't sure I'd be able to get ahold of myself ever again.

"How…how long?" I asked, shutting my eyes tightly to keep the tears from escaping.

"A week, maybe," Luna said softly. "I'm sorry."

The strength left my legs, and I felt myself collapse against the wall and sink to the ground. That's the last thing I remember from that day.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_A/N: Do you think I ought to apologize to poor Shinn? Probably…_


	6. Life Goes On

_A/N: This is the final chapter. Some of it will be in Kira's POV, but that part will be in third person, as opposed to Shinn's first, so you'll be able to tell._

**Chapter 6: Life Goes On**

When I woke up, I was back at the foster home. I guess Miss Gladys found me.

Meer was standing over my bed, looking worried. "Miss Gladys says you should try to go to school."

"Meer, I can't…." I started.

"She's worried about you, Shinn," Meer said quietly, her eyes pleading with me. "And she's worried about Rey. At least do this for her."

I made a sort of grunting sound that I hoped she'd take as assent and dragged myself out of bed. I don't remember much else from that morning, except that Meer made me eggs again, as a thank you, I think.

I don't know how I dragged myself through the first half of the day. I didn't pay attention, that's for sure. How was I supposed to care about math when Rey and Stellar were…I tried my best not to think about it, but it wasn't working.

When I showed up for tutoring, Cagalli was furiously filling out some forms.

"Shinn, just a minute, I have to finish these before three today or I'll lose my financial aid for college," she said.

"Whatever," I said, my voice dull. I was trying to care, I really was, but the truth was that I didn't.

She looked up, her golden eyes locking with mine. "Shinn, what's…"

I just stared back at her, daring her to finish her question.

"Why do I even ask?" she complained, turning her gaze back to her papers. "You never talk to anyone besides ZaBurel."

And that wasn't going to last much longer. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as she returned to her paperwork.

"Hey, what is today, anyway?" she asked aloud. "Stupid forms, always asking for the date…" she looked up, glanced at the calendar, and scribbled something on the paper. "Oh, it's the twenty-sixth."

My breath caught in my throat. The twenty-sixth…two years had passed. Two years since I lost my family. And over those two years, I'd tried to make a new one, out of Rey and Stella. And now I was about to lose most of that one, too.

I'd never really thought about my breaking point. Yes, I broke on that day two years ago, but I thought that was it…that nothing else could hurt me that much. I was wrong. This was the last straw, and I was done.

I got up, the sound of the chair's legs screeching against the floor breaking the silence that had fallen over the room.

"Shinn?" Cagalli asked, looking up.

But it was too late. I was already leaving. Leaving the room, leaving the school…wishing I could leave my life.

I didn't really think about where I was going. I just needed to be somewhere else…somewhere where I could feel safe, somewhere I could breathe again.

Then again, maybe there wasn't anywhere like that left for me.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Kira had a habit of ending up at the wrong place at the wrong time. His meeting with Shinn and Stella was actually one of the better outcomes of that particular habit.

Watching them broke his heart. Lacus always said that happened too easily, but he just couldn't help it. He cared too much. It was his greatest weakness.

You could see that Shinn loved Stella. It was written in his every movement, it flowed through every word he spoke around her. And the pain he felt at seeing her so sick was obvious. And yet, whenever he looked at her, or touched her, you could see the worry flowing out of him. Stella put him at ease.

In that way, at least, the blonde girl reminded him of Lacus. Lacus, too, thought that Shinn and Stellar were very much like the two of them. But Lacus had also seen something in Shinn that Kira had missed. Grief, grief as deep as Kira's when he talked about those he'd lost in the war.

It scared Kira that someone else was feeling that kind of grief. It was all right if he did, but for someone else…he wondered who Shinn was grieving, and why. Miss Murrue knew, according to Lacus, but she wasn't talking.

Shinn apparently didn't like Miss Murrue. Kira couldn't really understand that. He'd always liked her, even two years ago, when he'd had no reason to.

He'd been sixteen, studying abroad in a neutral country not far from the area where the war was starting to develop. Then, a technology firm had been attacked just as he and some of his classmates were taking a tour. For their own protection, Miss Murrue, a lieutenant in the army at the time, had taken them aboard one of the tanks, but as the country descended into chaos around them, it became less and less likely that they would be sent home any time soon.

Murrue's team had managed to keep some of the missiles and missile-guidance systems that the firm had been developing out of the enemy's hands, but they'd been completely unable to use them themselves. Kira, on the other hand, with his genius IQ and computer skills, was able to. He hadn't wanted to, but the country was falling into chaos and every day that passed decreased their chances of getting out alive.

And that was how Kira had become a soldier, entirely against his own will. He had no choice, he supposed; if they hadn't used the missiles, they never would have made it out alive. At the same time, though, he had taken people's lives away from them, and for that, he couldn't forgive himself.

Athrun, his childhood friend, had been with another country's forces, and, at first, they had been forced to fight each other, since neither side could be sure of the other's intentions. Eventually, they were able to trust one another, but not before Kira had taken the lives of a number of Athrun's comrades.

Then, there was Flay, who was angry enough at him for using the missiles, and upset enough about the situation, that she ran off by herself and nearly got killed, but not before she told Kira that he was a murderer and a freak. He was pretty sure a person's first crush shouldn't go like that. Fortunately, some international peacekeeping forces radioed them a few days later to let them know that she'd survived and had been sent home.

Kira was forced to become a killer, to do whatever he could to keep his friends alive. And even that hadn't been enough. His friend Tolle had been killed. Mu, the officer who had become like an older brother to him, had gone missing and was presumed dead as well. He, himself, had nearly died, and on the really bad days, he thought maybe he should have, to atone for all the lives he'd taken.

So Kira grieved, not just for his dead friends, but also for his dead childhood. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be the same person as before. Sometimes, it was just really lonely, and not even Lacus truly understood.

He was at the hospital right now. It was too early for his appointment with Miss Murrue, who was as good a therapist as she was a commanding officer, but he had hoped to visit Stella. He figured that she'd be lonely when Shinn was at school, but since Kira was in college, and his classes were all early, he could spend time with her during the day.

Unfortunately, he had gotten lost, again. Then again, the first time he'd found Stella, it had been by getting lost, so maybe…no, that made no sense…

He was definitely somewhere in the ICU, but he couldn't find Stella's room anywhere. He started peeking into the doorways, hoping to find her that way. An old woman, asleep, a middle-aged man with his arm in a cast, watching a game show on his room's TV, a blond teenager, sleeping while a boy with black hair sat in one of the visitor's chairs…wait. Was that Shinn?

He walked into the room. The boy certainly had Shinn's messy black hair, but his face was buried in his arms, which were wrapped around his knees. The sleeve of the boy's red sweatshirt was wet, and he was trembling.

"Shinn?" Kira asked gently.

"Nnn…" the boy muttered. Then, he looked up, wide red eyes unfocused and shining with tears. He rubbed at his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and blinked. "Kira?"

"Are you all right?" Kira asked.

"Leave me alone," Shinn practically snarled. His face was twisted with anger, his red eyes ablaze with it.

Kira was surprised by this new side to the boy. "Shinn, why are you here? Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Couldn't do it," Shinn muttered, the light leaving his eyes. "Made it through half the day, that'll have to be enough."

"Made it?" Kira asked.

"I tried to act like nothing was wrong, but it's freakin' _hard_," Shinn mumbled, his face sinking back into his arms. "Stella's worse, and Rey's….why didn't he freakin' tell me….and it's the freakin' twenty-sixth of freakin' October and I can't freakin' _do_ this anymore!"

Kira sat down next to him. "Stella's worse?" he asked, deciding to stick with the bits he actually understood.

"Yeah," Shinn said into his sleeve. "They're not even letting me into the room anymore; her condition's that delicate."

"Is that why you're here?" Kira asked, with a quick glance at the sleeping teen in the hospital bed. He wondered if Shinn even knew him or if the boy had just chosen his room to have his breakdown in.

"Yeah, I didn't want to come here because I know Rey won't like that I'm not at school," Shinn answered.

"Rey?" Kira asked.

Shinn gestured vaguely to the teen in the bed and Kira's earlier question was answered.

"At least he's doing well enough that you're allowed in here," Kira offered.

Shinn laughed bitterly. "It's a genetic disease," he said, his tone harsh. "He'll die whether I'm in here or not."

Kira turned to stare at Shinn. His blood-red eyes were full of bitterness.

"Is it me?" the black-haired boy asked quietly. "Am I just that difficult to be around that everyone has to leave me?"

"I've asked that question, and I've heard other people ask that question, but no one's ever answered it," Kira said.

Red eyes regarded him cautiously. "…Who left you?"

"My friend Tolle, and this guy named Mu who was sort of like a big brother to me," Kira said, trying not to think about them. "A couple of others, too."

"I'm sorry," Shinn said softly.

"Kira!" a female voice barked. Kira spun around to see his twin, Cagalli, standing in the doorway. "Why wasn't your phone on?"

Kira rolled his eyes. "I'm in a hospital; they interfere with the equipment. What is it?"

"One of the kids that I tutor just took off…ran out of the school in the middle of the day," Cagalli explained. "He seemed upset, and I'm worried about him. I need you to help me find him."

"Cagalli, I'm sort of in the middle of something right now," Kira sighed.

"You're my twin brother; family comes first," Cagalli insisted stubbornly.

"You're her what now?" Shinn asked. Kira turned to see Shinn staring at him, open-mouthed.

"Her twin brother," Kira said. "Do you know her?"

"Shinn!" Cagalli exclaimed. "What the heck did you think you were doing?"

"It's none of your freakin' business," Shinn snapped, standing up.

"Wait, he's…" Kira started, trying to keep up.

"The kid I'm looking for," Cagalli said with a scowl. "He's a brat. He blamed politicians for the war."

"Cagalli, you have to admit…" Kira started.

"Shut up!" Cagalli fumed. "Shinn, come with me; we're going back to the school."

"You can, I'm not," Shinn said firmly.

"Shinn!" Cagalli practically growled. "Look, the memorial assembly for the Onoguro bombing is in less than an hour and I'm supposed to be helping with the sound board. I need to get back to the school, so get a move on!"

Shinn's body tensed at the mention of the memorial service. And that was when Kira remembered it. A low-res video playing on Athrun's smartphone as they crouched in the tank. The pixilated image of a dark-haired boy screaming amid pools of blood the same color as his eyes. The date, October 26th, in the bottom right corner of the screen.

_"….and it's the freakin' twenty-sixth of freakin' October and I can't freakin' do this anymore!"_

Kira stared at Shinn, and he stared back, his eyes full of what could only be called terror.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I swore over and over again in my head but it still didn't seem to be quite enough to describe the situation. Kira recognized me. Who knows how the heck he did, but he did. And he knew, now. He knew that I was the one in the Onoguro video; he knew what had happened to my family.

"Or maybe you just don't care about the ceremony…" Cagalli started, her voice full of venom. Part of me wanted to punch her, while the other part was more worried about whatever Kira was about to do.

"Cagalli, be quiet," Kira said, his eyes still locked on mine.

I never thought I'd say someone with violet eyes was frightening, but Kira's stare was. He had the eyes of someone older, of someone who'd faced down people a heck of a lot scarier than me and found me, in comparison, to be completely nonthreatening.

"Excuse me?" Cagalli demanded.

"I said, be quiet," he repeated.

I stared at him with all of the hate and anger I could summon. Which, given the last few days—heck, the last few years—was a lot. "Leave me alone," I said quietly.

"I don't think I will," Kira replied. "Why haven't you talked to Miss Murrue?"

"I'm not crazy, all right," I snapped, feeling my anger boil over. "I can handle this!"

"Earlier, you said you couldn't," Kira said flatly.

"Look, I don't want to 'talk about it,' I don't even want to think about it," I said, scowling.

"Shinn, what you want isn't always what's best for you," Kira said.

"How the heck would you know?" I snapped.

"Lacus told you that I see Miss Murrue," Kira said. "Considering what I just found out about you, I'd say I owe you the reason why. Do you remember the Heliopolis incident?"

"Kind of," I said. "I wasn't watching the news a lot…they kept playing that video. But it was some students who got trapped in an unstable country with a small army unit and ended up having to actually fight…hold on, you were one of them?"

He nodded, and looked at the ground with violet eyes full of regret, and grief. They reminded me of my own in a way that was almost physically painful.

"She helped me, and she wants to help you," Kira said softly.

I stared at the ground, then grumbled, "If it'll get you off my case…" The reluctance was for appearances, and both of us knew it.

Kira's face lit up as Cagalli's filled with confusion.

"I don't get it! What video? What do you know about him, Kira?" She looked around the room. "Wait, is that Rey?"

"…yeah," I said. "He's…um…probably not coming back to school."

"Wait, is that why you ran out?" Cagalli asked, giving me a sharp look.

"Um…part of it…" I said slowly.

Suddenly, Cagalli's arms were around me and she was squeezing tightly enough that I actually couldn't breathe.

"Cagalli…please…" I gasped out.

She released me. "Oops," she said, chagrined.

This was just weird. "Can we go back to insulting each other now?" I asked. "Please."

Cagalli smiled good-naturedly. "If that's what you want."

I glanced at Kira. "Um, does she have Multiple Personality Disorder?"

"I wonder that too, sometimes," Kira said absently.

Cagalli hit him, hard over the head, then crossed her arms and glared. "Stop making fun of me."

"But it's so easy," Kira said cheerily.

"Shove off," Cagalli huffed.

I laughed, quietly at first, and then more loudly.

Kira glanced at me, surprised, and then offered me a lopsided smile. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I said, actually meaning it for once.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_A/N: Yes, I realize it's kind of a sucky ending, but this is where the plot bunny kicked out. No, really, the fic isn't really about what happens to everyone in the end, it's about Shinn dealing with his past and his present at least a little, and Kira helping him with that. It's not the most planned fic I've ever written, honestly, it's more of an oversized one-shot than anything, but I'm glad it's done. If you are dissatisfied with the ending, I give you full permission to write a sequel/continuation or something similar. I'd prefer it if you let me know you were doing it, and if you left the couples alone (SS, KL, AC, and possibly ReyLuna if you wanted to write it in) but, other than that, do what you will. This isn't my best work and I know it, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless._


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